Remember, you've got this.
Feel pressured to create a perfect holiday for your family? You have a family, for goodness sake, appreciate that!
Anxious that the conversation at Thanksgiving dinner will become contentious? You ingrate! There'll be food on the table, why are you complaining?
Sad because no one understands that you want to be alone this Thanksgiving? Boo-hoo. You're lucky people care enough to invite you for dinner.
Okay, I'm exaggerating. But berating yourself like this is a common, not especially helpful, knee-jerk reaction to setbacks and stressful situations, and meditation is an excellent place to recognize the folly in this mindset.
The more familiar we become with the way our minds work, the clearer it becomes that mistakes are opportunities to become resilient and grow. The more familiar we are with our minds, the clearer it becomes that wisdom doesn't come from being perfect; it comes from being present.
But it's Thanksgiving, you might say. Weird Uncle Harry is in the living room, spouting conspiracy theories. The Macy's parade is playing at full volume in the kitchen, and I can't hear myself think! Can't I go to the guest room, lie on my side, and curl up in a ball until it's over? I wonder if someone will take pity on me if I scream. Loudly.
Okay, I'm exaggerating again.
Still, what would happen if you reframe the way you talk to yourself in situations like these? Instead of beating yourself up, what if you turn the Golden Rule on its head. Rather than "treat others as you would like them to treat you," what if you "treat yourself as you aspire to treat others?" More likely than not, you make an effort to treat others with kindness, respect, and understanding. How about you treat yourself the same way? Instead of viewing your inner voice as negative - critical and controlling, for instance – see it as a reflection of your good qualities. Perhaps you're harsh on yourself because you want to be your best self. How about you practice self-compassion, instead.
This Thanksgiving and through the holiday, I hope you go easy on yourself and remember that you've got this. If your self-compassion skills need a little bolstering, here are a few practices to help you through even the most stressful holiday situations.
If somewhere between the Brussel sprouts and sweet potatoes, the dialogue gets heated, excuse yourself and take a gratitude walk.
If weird Uncle Harry gets under your skin, remember the ornery tea boy story, and how people who bug us can be our most excellent teachers.
If the tone of voice you use when speaking to yourself is unkind – scoop up an imaginary cupful of compassion and pour it over your head.
To all of you who read our newsletter and blog, I hope you have a happy Thanksgiving. I'm grateful to you. I'm especially thankful to Michael Krass, Sarah Kelly, Marlena Trafas, Andrea Arnold, Casey Altman, Lindsay duPont, and Nanda Dyssou for all you do to make my work oh so much better and more fun. Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!